just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
