Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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