I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My vagina is officially offended.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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