does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
