why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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