He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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