She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
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I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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