my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
