Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Your cock deserves a montage
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
