I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She's the barista slut.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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