I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
