I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
