Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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