i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
