You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
