my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
