so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
