We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You left your phone here
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