Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
