i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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