My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
