You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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