I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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