we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
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It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
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I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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