it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
