All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
