I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
