I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
