fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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