I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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