He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
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I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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