are you so shy because you have an std?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
