I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
home. puking in laundry basket.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
