reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
