just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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