the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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