Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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