using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
