so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
