this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
