I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
