She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
