Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
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you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
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I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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