3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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