you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
