Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
