a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
