So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
