I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
