but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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