She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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