You smell like a Billy Joel song
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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