Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
