Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
