piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
