I just saw a hot homeless man
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
