We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
