Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
