Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
