she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
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Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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