Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
