like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
