Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
