honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
porn star boner night. come get it.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
