I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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