So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
