You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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