i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
