Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Can Purell be used as lube?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
