Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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