I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Of course I have a pirate flag
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize