hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
