you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
