I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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