More tranny stories later!
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm bleeding and have questions
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
