im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
