So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
