She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
