I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
