you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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