I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
