I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
