ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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